Post-Season Funk

"Sooo....now what?"

That's been the main question of the last year. My summer show closed long before the expected end of the run last year around this time and I asked myself that very question. As a result, I got two large jobs that took care of money woes for a few months, and then HPC started up again. But it was the first time that I hadn't had a steady job since I started working when I was 17, and I was scared. Not as scared as someone without the safety net of mom and dad would be, but still concerned about my future.

A year later and, when I actually do step back and take a look at it, I laugh that I have the life that so many people in my profession wish that they had: all of my income comes from performing and acting-related activities. I can afford to live on my own. I'm not eating crackers and ramen every night. And, of course, I'm not satisfied.

For a long while I thought I wanted to do film, and that's all I wanted. I liked theatre, but film seemed to suit me better. I was able to perform in three shows in nine weeks this summer. Sitting backstage during the second show I had a moment of pure joy: I knew that I was right where I was supposed to be and loved it. I wouldn't mind the paychecks that film brings in, but nothing beats the thrill of entertaining (and hopefully educating and touching) a live audience. The post-show ego-stroking isn't bad, either. :)

So now I know that I would feel blessed if I could do live theatre for the rest of my life. The problem is that I feel as though my actor friends are making strides in their careers, getting cast at equity houses, and I'm still crawling. So do I go to grad school, or do I continue to muddle through on the bits and pieces of technique that I've absorbed over the past five or six years? Do I keep plugging away even though I feel like I'm not going anywhere? What happens now?