Just a chat.

Talking politics on this blog is something that I shy away from. My views are my views, and I don't intend to use this blog as a platform for those views. I'm not running for office. However, I keep hearing about Cindy Sheehan and wondering why President Bush won't meet with her. Is he afraid of an assassination attempt? Is he afraid of a hysterical woman flailing her tiny fists against his chest? From what I've seen of her, those two scenarios are highly unlikely. Why won't he go down and talk with her?

It would be so easy. All he'd have to do is take a little stroll down his driveway to the road, bringing lemonade and cookies, and say, "Cindy. Hi. Let's talk." And then he could go on to say, "You know, I understand where you're coming from. I understand how you feel. It sucks to lose a kid, and I'm sorry about that. Here's where I stand on all this..." And then he could tell her in plain terms why the troops are still there, what they're working on, and what they're hoping to accomplish. And Cindy could respond in plain terms with her ideas, and they could have a conversation; they could communicate. I think it would require both of them to be open to seeing the other person's views, but I don't believe that they have to agree. I just wish he'd talk to her. He could have diffused this media circus weeks ago if he'd just taken a little walk.

And if all that in the previous post wasn't enough...

...I rescheduled my dentist appointment several weeks ago, and the time was for 7am this morning. Guess who didn't go?

Yeah.

*sob*

I'm so frustrated right now I could cry, and it's pretty much all my fault.

I was supposed to look at two apartments 20 minutes ago, but when I arrived in Minneapolis I realized that I didn't remember the exact address of the first one or anything at all about the location of the second (I thought I had at least written the cross streets down). The current tenants of the apartments were to meet me and let me in, but I don't have their numbers. The only person's number I do have I spoke to very early this morning while I was driving, so when I asked for the addresses I didn't write them down right away, thinking I'd remember them well enough to do it when I got home. Well, of course, I forgot: both the addresses and to write them down while they were still fresh. (It was 7:45am, cut me some slack.)

So, of course, when I called this man this afternoon, my only contact, I couldn't get ahold of him. Apparently he doesn't answer his phone after 4pm or something like that, because I called before in the late afternoon and got no answer. I paged him twice - as his voicemail instructs one to do if one needs to get ahold of him right away - and he hasn't called me back. So...yeah. I feel bad for the people who stayed home to wait for a person who never came, i.e. me, and I'm mad at myself for not being more on the ball about those addresses.

Now I might have to wait a weekend before I can reschedule a viewing of these places, and the people who were supposed to meet me might totally be annoyed and pissy if I try to come by again, and I'm running out of time to find a place to live and I'm starting to panic and that's not good.

I know I just need to give it time if that's all that I can do at this point, but that's hard when you're not sure where you'll be living in a week and a half.

I wonder if Uncommon Grounds is busy tonight...

Um...yeah. I don't have anything interesting to contribute to the blogosphere today. One interesting thing that only marginally has to do with me is: Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

Verbal Vomit

My thoughts won't connect today, so you get a stream of consciousness entry.

I made myself a "to do" list today.
I need to move in two weeks.
I put "take a walk" on my "to do" list.
Too many quotes.
The weather is too gorgeous to pass up.
Apartment hunting is scary. Good thing I have Mom & Dad to fall back on.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
Cori leaves in two weeks. :*(
I'm living vicariously through Christiana today.
I need to write a poem for Will's birthday.
Waiting for checks sucks.
I spent a lot of money on clothes on Saturday and I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt about it.
I can write off all my clothing purchases. Heh.
Coffee is making my pulse race.
Should I walk downtown or take the bus? I'm not sure I'm feeling my bike today.
Gas is up to $2.69 here. Can you believe that?
It's time to get off the computer.

I never knew OS X had so many fun toys available.

I just went on an OS X free program downloading binge. I was about to dive back into the freeware offered when I realized that I had better stop or I would have to start deleting programs in order to make room for the new ones. Heh.

I got an HTML editor, an FTP client, and a free iTunes manager. Go me.

Back. For real this time.

I finally feel like I've truly returned to Minneapolis. As I mentioned in my last post, I was in a pretty deep funk when I first got back from my summer job. I didn't feel like I really belonged in either place and it was unsettling. But after having one of the greatest nights of my year last night, I really feel like I belong in Minneapolis again.

Yesterday morning I had an audition for an industrial, then came home to clean house before my apartment was viewed by a prospective renter. (And by the way, landlords calling after 10pm to tell you that they're bringing someone by to view your apartment the next day is kind of rude, wouldn't you agree?) The place looked marvelous when I left to go be an extra in a Taco John's commercial.

The drive out to Stillwater - where the commercial was being shot - was uneventful until the second direction, which was to turn on a street called "Myrtle" to get into downtown Stillwater. I drove, and drove, and drove. No Myrtle. Finally, after realizing that I was probably in Scandia , I turned around and called my contact for the shoot. She let me know that I needed to look for County Road 12, which was quite a ways back down the road from where I was. When I finally arrived at my turn, I saw that the road was definitely not labeled "Myrtle", at least not until much closer to downtown Stillwater. Whatever, I made it.

The shoot was outdoors, which I didn't know until I arrived. It was an extremely pleasant day, though, so in the end I didn't mind. We got to sit down for five hours, which was kind of nice, until I realized that I hadn't eaten anything but peanut butter toast and coffee all day and that a meal looked really good right then except I couldn't get up because they were shooting and I was starting to get loopy and crabby and wacked out because I hadn't eaten and finally I could get up and get some Doritos and I felt much better.

I was hoping to make it to my dance class at 5:30 and then dash upstairs to see Buckets & Tap Shoes - a part of the Minnesota Fringe Festival at 7, but the shoot went long (of course) and I had to drive like a madwoman to make it on time. I didn't quite (was 10 or 15 minutes late), but I still got to see the majority of the show and had a blast. If you're in Minneapolis and you have to opportunity to see Buckets & Tap Shoes (which was, after all, voted Best of the Fringe 2004), go see Buckets & Tap Shoes. It is well worth the price of admission.

They announced several times during the show that they were going to have an after party of sorts at Harvey's at 10pm and that we should all come. I had been planning on going - I'm on the Ten Foot Five email list - and hoped that I could convince Christiana to go with me. She was game, and I even got Annie to come downtown and meet us there. However, the show ended at 8:00, and Christiana and I had two hours to kill, so we sat in Borders, I ate a spinach and feta pretzel and drank an Americano, Christiana drank a Perrier, and we made fun of the random people we saw walking down Hennepin Avenue outside the windows.

(Another fun Minneapolis thing: go to the cafe at the downtown Borders, but make sure to sit in one of the cushy chairs by the big windows. You will see some interesting sights in that location if you sit there long enough, and may even find fodder for a book or comedy sketch. It's some of the best entertainment in the city, and it'll only cost you the buck fifty you paid for your coffee.)

Close to 10pm we headed down the street to Harvey's. On the way we passed Bellanotte and as we approached the crowd around the door Christiana said, "I know that guy. I'm gonna have to stop and say 'hi'." So she did. I wandered away because I didn't know the man, but she called me over and introduced us. Apparently this man is just under the General Manager. Good to know.

We said our goodbyes and headed right onto 1st. There was a man on the Champps patio singing "Maria" by Wyclef and Carlos Santana and butchering it badly. On our way past Farenheit and The Fine Line Christiana realized that she knew someone else working the door. She stopped and chatted and introduced me, and he told us to come back later for Ladies' Night. We moved on.

(It's always an interesting experience to walk around downtown looking halfway decent. The catcalling is really ridiculous. And when you're with your friend and you both look pretty foxy, good luck making it five feet without some guy saying something to you. Such is being female.)

The show at Harvey's was fantastic. (I have a "Word of the Day" widget from Dictionary.com and all I can say is "fantastic." Bah.) More tap dancing, more jamming, more drumming, and more love of rhythmn and sound pouring off the stage. Annie came and all was joyous. She also brought my contact solution, and my eyes thank her. We also met two new friends in the bathroom: Lindsey and Elizabeth. They had awesome style and were super friendly and all of us ended up sitting at a table together.

More people-watching was had, and I ended up re-meeting a guy I'd met a year ago during the shoot for the bicycle revolutionaries movie. We also started chatting with Nathan, a singer-songwriter who also has a standing gig at Harvey's. Nathan is awesome. That's all I can say. Because he is. Christiana and I will definintely be back to watch him play sometime. He jumped on the microphone at the end of one of Ten Foot Five's song sets and he can really sing. Reminds me a little of Jason Mraz.

At 2, it was time to go. The bar was closing and the band was done. It had been an extrememly satisfying night and I was ready for some sleep. We finally got the chance to talk to Rick (on whom I have just the teensiest crush) and tell him how much we enjoyed the show. We headed back down the street to the parking garage, got in my car, I dropped Christiana off at hers, and I went home and fell into bed.

As I fell asleep I reflected on my night. It wouldn't have been quite as much fun if we hadn't talked to anyone we didn't know or been open to meeting new people, and Christiana set the standard when she decided to be brave and say hi to those guys at the door. I need more nights like that to keep me remembering why I like this city so much.

Go see Crash

Just went to see Crash, and now all I want is a hug, a kiss, some hand-holding, some touch. I just need contact. When you see it (if you haven't), you'll understand.

What's not next.

No CTC for me this next year. Ah well.

Had a good audition for Penumbra this afternoon.

Will probably go to the TRP auditions tomorrow for something to do.

Post-Season Funk

"Sooo....now what?"

That's been the main question of the last year. My summer show closed long before the expected end of the run last year around this time and I asked myself that very question. As a result, I got two large jobs that took care of money woes for a few months, and then HPC started up again. But it was the first time that I hadn't had a steady job since I started working when I was 17, and I was scared. Not as scared as someone without the safety net of mom and dad would be, but still concerned about my future.

A year later and, when I actually do step back and take a look at it, I laugh that I have the life that so many people in my profession wish that they had: all of my income comes from performing and acting-related activities. I can afford to live on my own. I'm not eating crackers and ramen every night. And, of course, I'm not satisfied.

For a long while I thought I wanted to do film, and that's all I wanted. I liked theatre, but film seemed to suit me better. I was able to perform in three shows in nine weeks this summer. Sitting backstage during the second show I had a moment of pure joy: I knew that I was right where I was supposed to be and loved it. I wouldn't mind the paychecks that film brings in, but nothing beats the thrill of entertaining (and hopefully educating and touching) a live audience. The post-show ego-stroking isn't bad, either. :)

So now I know that I would feel blessed if I could do live theatre for the rest of my life. The problem is that I feel as though my actor friends are making strides in their careers, getting cast at equity houses, and I'm still crawling. So do I go to grad school, or do I continue to muddle through on the bits and pieces of technique that I've absorbed over the past five or six years? Do I keep plugging away even though I feel like I'm not going anywhere? What happens now?

It's over? It's over. (Well, almost.)

It's Friday, and that means it's entry time. The problem is that I don't really have anything to say. Or is it that I have a whole lot to say and can't or don't know how to put it into words?

On Monday I will be done with my summer theatre experience. As always, putting up the shows was a trial and a joy. Theatre wouldn't be worth doing if it wasn't frustrating to the point of making you want to quit. The joy comes when you realize that quitting would be the biggest mistake of your life. I'm grateful that I get to do something that I love for a living instead of something that I have to do. I'm just not sure that this is the place for me.

The majority of the actors here are college age or younger. That hasn't made me feel unwelcome or out of the loop; most of them are pretty cool people who restore my faith in the youth of America. (Listen to me: "the youth of america" all like I'm sixty.) The problem comes in the way that we as a cast are treated or addressed. With so many inexperienced actors, those in charge have to tailor their approach toward those who are unfamiliar with the theatre world. And for me, that gets frustrating and annoying. I know how to warm myself up. I know how to behave when other people are on stage and I am not. And I don't enjoy being talked to like I'm twelve years old. But because of the group that participates in these shows, that's pretty much how it goes for everyone regardless of their age. I don't feel that there is much trust in the maturity of the actors.

I don't want to end this on a sour note. I'm sure I will miss this place and these people deeply in a few days. When one's daily routine includes the same people and places all the time, it's hard to have all of that suddenly change. There are a few people that I will miss most of all, and I'm hoping that we'll be able to spend some time together in the next few months, even though some will be flung to the far corners of the Earth. You know, Paris. And Ripon. And Duluth.

Well, time for Target. Need to drop off my pictures. And maybe I'll go to Caribou while I'm over there.

Days off after being extremely busy rule.

Good day yesterday. Slept over at my apartment on Monday night after cooking dinner and watching Waiting for Guffman, had an audition Tuesday morning (for which I got the job), ate brunch at the Uptown diner, finally went to the Walker and walked around for a couple hours, shopped in Uptown, saw Murderball at the Uptown Theatre, then drove back to Wisconsin.

I was wiped yesterday evening, but I still managed to watch five episodes of EscaFlowne. I fell asleep on the sixth.

Life is GOOD. Except when you lose an entire post.

Dagnabbit.

I've had wonderful time off. Starting with Sunday evening after the show, three of us had dinner at the home of a castmate from the first show of the season. She cooked linguini noodles, made homemade pesto, a corn chowder with a shrimp base, and homemade chocolate cake. After eating we sat out in her front yard, swung in the hammock, and generally enjoyed our lovely evening. I would have stayed forever if we didn't have a movie to get to.

We went to see The Island at 9pm, and it was...ok. Djimon Hounsou is lovely and has an amazing voice. I had seen pictures of him before, but not in action, and the man is lovely in action. He's now on my list of celebrity boyfriends with Cillian Murphy and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

Today a large group of us went to Willow River State Park. We swam in the lake, had a picnic, went kayaking, and played in the Willow Falls. I slipped on a rock and went down, but I was having such a good time that I didn't care. And nothing was scratched or broken either.

I am sufficiently tired now and ready for a nap, but we are headed into the city to spend the night at my apartment and then shop and wander around uptown tomorrow during the day.

*sigh of contentment*