Disoriented

I'm back home for two nights and it's weird. I feel very weird. Neither here nor there, really. As we drove away I really didn't want to leave Alexandria, but now I'm not sure I want to go back, and I don't really want to be here either.

I went a party that a fellow cast member threw and I just felt extremely socially awkward and out of place, like nothing I said was interesting, that I was much too tall, that I was making strange faces, just overall like an awkward teenager at the grown ups' party. I don't think I was ready to be social yet, or ever.

Every now and then I go through periods where I just can't handle being around people, and I think this is one of them. My career necessitates that I be social, and sometimes I just can't do it. Two weeks ago I was Miss Social Butterfly at the Guthrie "First Look" for actors: I felt comfortable and calm. I saw lots of people that I knew, introduced myself to people that didn't, and all in all had a good time schmoozing. Funny what a week will do.

I don't want to stay in Alexandria, and I don't want my real life back.

Muh.

I think I've started a post about three times since my last one, but I've never finished them. Probably because I don't have anything to say, other than that I've been pretty busy night and day up until Tuesday this week, so I don't really have time to process.

It's summer theatre, as summmer theatre always is: like camp. In junior high school.

And by "sleeeeeeep" I mean...

We open in two hours.

All I want to do is sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeep.

Happy Birthday to the one who came before.

It's my sister's birthday today. She's a full-grown 21. Happy 21st birthday, Aisha! I love you!

I bent my Wookie!

Ten points if you know what show I just quoted.

So I'm in Alexandria, and some of us seem to have a bit of an obsession with quoting animated television shows. It hasn't stopped being funny, but then it's only been four days.

Four days! I've only been here four days, and yet it feels like two weeks already. Which is good, not bad. The time doesn't feel interminable, we've simply packed a lot of stuff into those four days, music, dancing, little bit of blocking. And we open next Tuesday. It's Thursday, and we open on Tuesday. We're learning an entire show in 10 days. Wrap your mind around that one.

The wonderful thing about this theatre is that someone starts a bonfire every night, and after you've worked your butt off, you get to relax in front of a warm fire and make each other laugh. I'd work here again.

I leave in two days.

I get a working vacation. I'm excited about that. I'm going to attempt to finish the press release and promotional materials before I leave here so I don't have to think about that stuff while I'm in the middle of nowhere.

And I realized how it is that the standard 9-5ers don't go crazy: they DON'T DO ANYTHING. Meaning, they have no extra-work activities that require just as much time and effort as their regular job. They go to work, they come home, eat something, then the evening is theirs to do as they will. They can clean, they can go out, they can sit on their butts and do nothing if they want. It's less stressful, but man: how boring.

If it were making me filthy rich, it'd be ok.

How do you 9-5ers do it? I can't seem to get anything accomplished. I hate being out of the house all day. I mean, I get up, go to work, go do whatever thing is happening after work (and there's always something), and I get home at 10, 11, 12, 1 o'clock at night. I have no time. I can't make a whole day or even a part of a day for doing all the things that need to happen before I leave town. I have to sneak them in here and there, and tomorrow it'll be at the cost of making money because I just have to get things done. And I'm not even giving myself that much time! Like, two hours!

Seriously. I don't know how much longer I can take this working all day for pennies stuff.

mumblemumbleajksdafje

I told myself I'd be in bed by midnight. So much for that.

Hey, I'm still tired.

Ok, good night.