Standing on the Mountain.

Life Lesson

I am so close. I can taste it. I can feel what it'll be like to win. I can see myself celebrating, and it will feel soooooo gooooooood.

People always ask, "What do you get when you finish?" as if they can't believe that any prize other than a publishing contract would be worth the trouble. I always answer, "Personal satisfaction." Which is fantastic, but it's not just that. The way I feel right now, and the way in which I'm encouraging myself is something that I can and should use every day.

I'll admit it. I'm a whiner, complainer, murmurer. I rarely ever use positive reinforcement to get myself to do things that I think or hard or that I don't want to do. I make up excuses for not being on time, or giving a job or task my all: "I'm tired. I don't want to. It's boring. It's beneath me." But here I am, cheering myself on and celebrating the little victories along the way. And for what? A certifcate and "personal satisfaction." It doesn't matter what the prize is, though. When I'm done I will be able to say I made it because I made the decision to finish despite the odds. I will be able to say I did it because I wanted to. I will be able to say I did it, and I did it because I didn't quit.That, my friends, feels very, very good.

NaNo Update

So.

I'm still behind. But in the scope of NaNoWriMo, that means nothing. I'm on track for getting 10,000 words or more out today, and my novel just got a fresh burst of energy thanks to the Random Sentence thread in the nanwriomo.org forums. Heck, I've alreay passed my 2004 total by 3000 words. 15,000 in two days? That's nothing.

It is possible, and I WILL make it!

(See here? See, this is me kicking NaNoWriMo booty.)

My tummy is full of dressing. Mmm...dressing...aaagghhh...

Blogger has a new version available. I'm eyeing it suspiciously. It requires me to create a Google account, and I'm not sure I want to do that, no matter how many tasty little treats (that every other blog publishing software has had for YEARS) they dangle in front of my face. I'll stick to the old Blogger until they force me to change. I'm stubborn like that.

Work was busy today, but not as busy as I thought it might be for the day after Thanksgiving. Lots of families wandering through and getting rides on the replica stagecoach. I have a callous forming on my right hand from rocking it so much today. It was nice to not be bored, though. I even got almost two thousand words written on my NaNo novel. Not too shabby. I'm still way behind, and need to do at least 3500 per day in order to finish on time, but some is better than none, I say.

I went back and read my novel from 2004 because I needed a mental break from NaNo 2006. When I last looked at the 2004 novel, which remains untitled, I was so sick of it and I hated it. After reading it this afternoon, it's really not that bad. It's pretty good in places, actually. It needs some stuffing and some shuffling, but it's a workable draft. I like it, and I knew that would happen if I let it sit for a while. I hope the same for the novel I'm writing this year. I also hope to finish. It's not impossible!

Alright. Time to crank out some more words before bed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

PBS Antiques Roadshow Commercial :60

Just in case you never saw it, here's a commercial I did two years ago.

Warm for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. What are you planning?

It'll be a quiet, small one for us this year. We usually go to a big, multi-family one, but not this year. And I have to work the day after. Bleh. I haven't had to do that in...maybe never. More money is good, though.

I took a walk today with the dog, and decided to go a different route than the usual. I went down the street I usually drive down to get in and out of our neighborhood, and it's amazing what you can see when you're walking instead of driving. I noticed that one of our neighbors has a very intricate front door design. Another one seems to be making their house look more and more like a lodge, and it's gorgeous. I really do love this neighborhood, even if it is in the suburbs.

My stomach is making its desires known. Time for food.

friday means nothing to me

I was going through my daily webcomic readings (shut up) and some of them only update on Mondays, or Mondays and Fridays, and I actually had to ask myself, "Is it Monday?" My answer to myself was quick, but still. I had to ask.

breathing

Today is one of those days where it's hard to take a deep breath. It's as though I start to and something catches in my throat, the breath stops short, and I have to start all over again.

I used to run track in high school. We'd warm up with two laps around the track and then we'd stretch. I'd usually be laughing and talking through the warm up because I took it slowly. It was a warm up, after all, not a sprint. However once we got to our true work out of the day, which varied anywhere from a 15-minute run to six miles, I was not laughing and joking. Oh, I'd be all right for the first five minutes or so, but then my body would say, "Um, excuse me, we've had enough and we're stopping you right now." Everything would try to lock, my breath would suddenly stop short and it was time for my mind to take over and kick my body's butt, so to speak.

But that rarely happened. I can remember one or two times where I was able to push how I felt to the back and just keep moving, regardless of what my body was telling me. Most of the time, I would feel like I couldn't breathe, and then I'd panic and then I really couldn't breathe. The breath would stop short, and then I'd tell myself I had to slow down or stop or I was going to die. I wasn't going to die. I believed I would, though, if I didn't stop. And all I had to do to get out of the panic was tell my body, "Knock it off. You're not going to die." And I couldn't do it.

I've had a frustrating weekend of dance. Thursday sucked, Friday was great, Saturday was pretty good, today sucked. And the days that sucked are because I won't let myself take a deep breath. I try something I feel I've been working on forever, I fail, and I mentally panic because it didn't happen the way it was supposed to. Then I stop because I "think I'm going to die" if I don't. I don't tell myself to knock it off, and I can't catch my breath and realize I'm not going to die.

High school was a long time ago. I haven't been able to get over that hurdle yet. I wonder if I ever will.

The Day After Yesterday

Thank goodness we'll stop being bombarded with campaign ads for another two years. I can't say I'm completely satisfied with the Minnesota results, but I'll live.

On to the NaNo news! I have passed 10,000 words, as you can see. Just barely, and I'm still a day behind. I should have almost 12,000 since yesterday, but I've been lazy. And busy. And today, I have to take my car to the repair shop. The heater fan stopped working yesterday. Wouldn't be a problem any other time of year, but this unseasonably warm weather is just a little teaser before Winter knocks us down again. So I need to get it fixed.

*whimper*

300 words to go before I quit at midnight. And here I am procrastinating.

I haven't been this tired in a long time. And it's on the third day of NaNoWriMo. Ugh.

I'm calling this the "I'm So Freaking Tired" Photo Series. High art, no?

The Quickening!

It has begun. (That feels very Highlander, no?)

I'm right on track for the first day, so that's promising. I'll squeeze whatever time I can out of the next few days. It's scary, though, as I feel like my Saturday is shot. Meh.

My new job is good. I started today. I like the people I work with, so if things are slow at my little desk it won't make me totally crazy. And if things are really slow I can whip out my laptop and work on my novel. Yay. Hey, you should come on down to the Wells Fargo History Museum on the Skyway level downton! It's nifty.

Ok, my brain is rather scattered. Good night.