Dang it, Christopher Paolini!

Dang it, Christopher Paolini!
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

Ok, Christopher Paolini.

I get it.

I get the hype.

I wasn't ready to give you a ringing endorsement. You definitely were on my "eh" list of authors. When people asked about you, I said, "He's good for 15," or "He's still pretty young." Eragon and Eldest were just ok. Eldest was actually pretty dreadful, with the exception of Roran's story and character development, as another blogger (whose name and blog name I didn't pay attention to) pointed out. I stuck with you, though, because I enjoyed the story enough. Not completely, but just enough.

Brisingr, though, Mr. Paolini, has me cheering out loud. I'm gasping, crying, and pumping my fist. I'm captivated. What in the heck did you do between Eldest and Brisingr?

I'll tell you what you did: you got better. You saw what wasn't working, you ditched it, and found what did work, and you got better. I don't know who you talked to, what books you read, what people you observed, or how many hours you spent practicing, but you took a giant leap forward in your skill as a writer and storyteller, and I'm inspired by you. Good work, and thank you.

The Stench of Doubt

Shark Cove
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

Currently watching the "Wrapped Around Your Finger" video on YouTube. The last time I went on a Police binge, I noticed that the video was directed by some mysterious persons named Godley & Creme. Godley & Creme are a British pop duo who also directed a few music videos in their time.

Following the internet bunny trail, I came across a story about the making of the "Wrapped Up Around Your Finger" video. To paraphrase (and if the story is to be believed), it seems as though Godley & Creme - and Sting - were interested in making art and seeing where it went, rather than making a hit music video. At the end of the 12 hour shoot, the producers decided they were done. Sting and the directors didn't want to be done, and after some discussion, the producers and directors agreed on one more take. If you've watched the video - which I hope you have, by now - you know that Sting runs through the burning candles and knocks them over and makes a big mess and it's beautiful and shocking and something I only wish I could do.

I can only imagine the tension on the set before a compromise was made. The producers need to keep the artists happy, the artists aren't happy, the crew has no say and therefore says nothing, but everyone's cringing and waiting for the explosion. I'm glad that the "Wrapped Around Your Finger" shoot resolved the way it did, but that one, tiny moment of doubt can derail the spirit of the entire shoot.

I can remember a few shoots I did where I wasn't getting the feedback my neurotic actor self wanted, and I started to doubt. Even though my intellectual mind said, "Dude, they cast YOU. Out of all the people they auditioned, they cast YOU. What are you freaking out for?" But freak out I did, and I felt like the world's biggest disaster, and so I might have been. All Doubt had to do was whisper the suggestion, "Um, you might not actually be good enough," and the train was off the track and screaming down into the canyon, bursting into flames as it hit bottom. Was it all in my mind? Probably.

After pitching a fit this week, it hit me that the source of all that angst was partly due to giving in to doubt. I doubted that my life would ever be any different than it is now. I doubted that I could make money doing what I liked. I doubted that my life has a purpose. A very wise friend, in trying to pull me out of that dark cloud, said, "When you change the way you look at things, what you look at changes." The world looked different today, and I thank everyone who's spoken encouragement into my life in the midst of my tantrums for that turnaround.

I know that I won't always feel bad. I know that I won't always feel buoyant. I might throw a few more tantrums. (This growing up thing is hard.) But I know that nothing will wreck me faster than doubt. If one is moving confidently toward a goal, there can't be any space left for doubt. People often put that as "There's no room for doubt," but I think there definitely can be. It's up to the individual to make sure they're so filled up with the Goal, all the corners and crevices stuffed, like, a Muffin Top of Goal squeezing between shirt and pants, that there is no space left for Doubt to drift in. Doubt is like a waft of unwelcome cigarette smoke in your apartment. You can't see it, you can't lay ahold of it, but you can smell it, and it's seeping into your stuff and irritating the crap out of you, and the only way to get rid of it is to stop it from coming in.

So, go get filled up with Goal. I'm off to do the same.

Thank You

A good audience can make the night.
A good audience is engaged.
A good audience brings energy to the theater.
A good audience feeds the actors' energy.
A good audience of 15 is always better than a bad audience of 100.
And two good audience members start a cascade effect: they laugh without restraint, and soon everyone on stage and off is enjoying themselves immensely.

Thank you so much, Keydron and Sheena, for making what could have been a dismal, run-of-the-mill, small audience, Thursday-night-after-a-day-off show into a high point in the run. Thank you!