A Little Light, Very Little Space

A Little Light, Very Little Space
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

I'm moved! Back to Manhattan. And now that I'm moved, I can think.

The first night in my new place was a little depressing. Tiny room, nothing unpacked, missing my old place that seemed fantastic by comparison. The next morning, I walked out of the building, walked half a block, walked a north-south block, and went down into the subway and thought, "Oh yeah! This is part of the reason I moved." No more six- or seven-block walk to the subway. And yesterday, oh yesterday! I walked two blocks to Central Park to eat my bagel and drink my coffee. TWO BLOCKS. Kidlings, I am two blocks from Central Park and two blocks from Riverside Park. And all around me are one of the things I love most: beautiful buildings.

So, on the one hand, the stupid hand: mortgage-sized rent, tiny room, sharing space with another adult, not yet feeling comfortable in the kitchen and living room, side neighbors who walk like elephants. On the other hand, the pretty, sparkly, lovable hand: TWO BLOCKS FROM THE PARKS, restaurants, cafes and wine bars galore, 1 block from the subway, fire escape out which to dangle my feet in warmer weather, Starbucks, top floor apartment, and did I mention Central Park is right there? I'm in love again.

Rehearsal is going well. We definitely have a show, and it just needs some tweaking here and there. I love my cast so much. They make me laugh and they show me things in a different light and everyone is so willing to take risks and look silly and try things out and I really am going to miss them when this is over in a month. But before that's over, if you're in New York, you should come see the show!

The Less We Talk
by Alec Duffy
at the Ontological Hysteric Theatre in St. Mark's Church
April 16 - May 2, 8:00pm
www.hoipolloiworld.com

Funky

I don't make resolutions. Maybe, this year, I should have.

There's been a storm cloud hovering over my head and gaining strength for the last few weeks. It began as a grey-tinted mist when I was home in Minnesota and started at the thought of coming back to New York. Now that I'm back, it's no longer a puffy little cartoon cloud. It's a full-on thunderhead, and it's threatening to soak me, or electrocute me, or worse: develop into a wall cloud and blow me off to Oz (but according to which story you read, that could be good or bad).

I try to maintain positivity on this blog, if nowhere else, but I'm having a hard time being in New York right now, and I'm getting more and more negative. A lot of folks I know would say that my choices brought me here. They're right, but that doesn't make it easier to bear.

There are a few things that have been eating away at me more than anything.

1) I'm still jobless. I'll say it again: if anyone knows anything, please send it my way.

2) My apartment building is getting more disappointing by the day. We had no heat yesterday and last night because - my guess- someone forgot to buy heating oil, so the reservoir or whatever went dry and burned, ending in a fire department visit at 5 am yesterday morning (not to mention that the fire department knocked half of my jewelry off the desk and laid their rusty axe on my white comforter when they opened my windows).

3) Speaking of my bed, I've been using an air mattress for the last year because I can't afford a real bed. When I got back from vacation, it started leaking. So every five hours or so I end up re-inflating it so I don't end up on the floor by morning. This is not, according to my definition, restful sleep.

4) The security door lock is broken, again. I asked them to fix it on Tuesday, and someone just now was working on it this afternoon. Goodness knows if he actually finished the job.

These little mental hangers-on are feeding the storm cloud, seeding it. It takes everything I have not to scream "Everything sucks!" any time someone asks me how I am. The only reason I don't is because some part of me remembers that not everything sucks. I have a place to live, even if it's not ideal. I have food to eat, even if it's ramen noodles and brown rice, every day. I have a loving and supportive family.

But...

But.

I'm tired of struggling all the time. I know some struggle is good, but it feels like, right now, it's all the time. I'm getting weary, but I can't rest.

A roach (a BIG one) was crawling on my desk this morning. Jerk. THERE'S NO FOOD THERE. LEAVE ME ALONE.

It's time to stop talking about silicone caulk and act. I will purchase some tonight and attack the cracks tomorrow.

I'm at the yoga studio at the moment. There's chill music, no one else is here, and the internet is not blocked. Suh-weet. I'm attempting to enjoy this time and not think too much about roaches I can't see or control. (It's not working so well.)

I feel icky. It's rainy and cold. I have to find another job.

Stupid roaches.
Stupid rain.
Stupid economy.

Gifts from Paradise

Gifts from Paradise
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad morning. The kind of morning where every object in your house seems to want to get in your way so you can trip over it or bark your shin or stub your toe. The kind of morning where you trip lightly on the rug and slosh coffee into your messenger bag. The kind of morning where you discover that you'd been calling a "Mr." a "Ms." and realize that there's no WAY you're gonna get that job now. The kind of morning where it's not hot but wildly humid so your knees and ankles decide they don't want to work properly. The kind of morning where you discover that the refrigerator door has been open a significant crack since 8:30am and everything inside is pretty warm which means the refrigerator was sucking twice the amount of electricity it normally would just to keep everything at "warm". The kind of morning where your eyes seem blurry looking through your glasses, so you put your contacts in and your eyes are still blurry because your contacts are way past their expiration date but you don't have any more pairs in the cabinet. The kind of morning where it all just sucks.

I want to go back to bed.

Flyin' Home

Flyin' Home
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

I'm practice packing. I have a three-week vacation coming up at the end of August and I'm determined to only bring this suitcase and its smaller handbag. I think I can do it. I'll pack for a week, and wash what needs washing. I will pack light!

I was reading an article on the NY Times website about airlines charging for checked baggage. Honestly, I'm not that surprised, nor am I outraged. They need to cover their costs, and $15 isn't all that much. In the grand scheme of things, another $15 tacked onto a $200 or $300 ticket isn't much in the grand scheme of things.

Actually, I like the fee. It forces people to downsize, to think hard about what they really need for their trips. People will realize "Hey, 3.3 ounces really is enough to get me through two or three weeks," or "I really don't need to bring this videogame; the scenery will be enough" or "You know what? I'm not buying any little tchochkes this trip; postcards will be present enough." It's green, this downsizing.

I live in a small space, so I'm used to making brutal cuts in my lifestyle. I don't own a television or a microwave, and I'm better for it. I can't just pop a frozen meal in the microwave and then plunk down in front of the television; both less-than-healthful choices. I have to cook my meals, and if I want to see a program that isn't on the internet, too bad. I guess I'll read a book or write or dance or paint.

I feel like I'm rambling. And it's time for me to leave the house. Ciao!