Rehearsal Has Eaten My Life

Rehearsal Has Eaten My Life
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

First full week of rehearsal is done, and, as predicted, I am WORN OUT. By Thursday, I was ready to firebomb my workplace, just so I'd have an excuse to stay in bed. (That may be a little extreme, but I'm the Queen of Hyperbole.)

I think I finally made my peace with the fact that New York is ridiculous and that's just the way it is. It no longer enrages me that I pay $850 for an apartment the size of some people's walk-in closets. I still get mad at people who throw their trash in the street and on the subway tracks, but am I really going to say anything to them? No (unless I'm having an "I feel reckless" day; I tend to throw my weight around a bit more on those days, so don't be standing in front of the subway doors when I'm trying to get off or I will hip-check you without remorse). This place is dirty, and smelly, and sagging and staggering under its own weight and bloated sense of importance, and that's just the way it is. I, alone, cannot change that.

You might be able to tell that I still don't love it here, but I'm not going to waste my breath or energy getting angry about its flaws. The flip side of the shoulder-shrug "oh well" attitude is that I feel a sharp pang of longing every time I see or read about a home that fits my dream. I see green lawns, flower gardens, white oak moulding and space space space and I moan a little under my breath. I don't yearn for real estate for prestige, profit, or financial flim-flammery: I just want a real home. A space that I walk into and sigh with relief because it's beautiful and it's mine. Doesn't need to be huge, just comfortable, clean, and quiet.

Someday.

Bye Bye Bed

Bye Bye Bed
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

Leak Watch 2009 seems to be over. I still haven't taken down the plastic bag from the exhaust fan. Maybe when I move.

I bought another air mattress. I'm so excited to not have to wake every three hours to blow up the bed because I'm sleeping in a folding position and my butt is almost on the floor. If I've learned anything here, it's that you don't skimp on shoes or sleep. Buy the expensive, well-made shoes that fit well and support your foot. Buy the perfect mattress for you, because those 60-70 hour work weeks will catch up with you really fast if you're not sleeping well.

Speaking of 60 hour work weeks, rehearsal starts next week for The Less We Talk. I can't express how much fun this show is going to be to create. I can't wait to see what Alec has done with all the material we've generated. I can't wait to see my workshop peeps again and get to know some new ones. I can't wait to spend hours creating and letting the rest of the world go on without me.

Jumping on the Prime Meridian

Jumping on the Prime Meridian
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

I love how long and loose my legs are in this picture. I always loved big jumps in ballet; it was a time when I could finally relax. I should have been relaxed all along, but it was much easier to do so when flying through the air.

I miss dance.

I'm dreaming up my ideal apartment. I can't decide if it's in the city or not. I'm kind of thinking Connecticut, actually. (I just accidentally typed "Connecticult." Hm. Freudian slip?) One of the teachers at the yoga studio lives there, and his commute via local train is only 10 minutes longer than mine. I could have trees and grass and actual nature and space around me. I'd feel human again.

Then again, I could move back up to Inwood. Apartments are still less expensive there than other parts of the city, and there are two three large parks in the area, so I could escape to the woods if I started feeling unmoored from nature.

Wherever it is, my ideal apartment has all my "must-haves":

1) Top floor. Period. I hate listening to people walk above me.
2) One room with sunlight. Can't live in a cave.
3) A real kitchen. I miss cooking so much it hurts. I dream up meals I could prepare, and then I remember that my oven doesn't work and that I have negative counter space.
4) Thick walls. I'm only viewing apartments in the evening when other people will be home. I need to know how much sound gets through and what's tolerable.
5) Vermin-free, with a landlord who sprays every month without being asked.

Other than those, I'm flexible. I don't mind studios, but it would be nice to have a separate room for my bed, even if my bed is the only thing that fits in it. And it would be nice to have greenery nearby. I've been craving green so much I made it my desktop and phone wallpaper. And I'd like someplace where I could have a dog...

Yeah, I want a home. Not just an apartment or a campsite. I want a home.

Anyone know of any good homes?


ETA: Remember this bracelet? The TSA stole it. I was looking through the Europe photos and I thought, "Hey, I haven't seen that bracelet in a while." I looked through my jewelry and realized that it was gone. I checked all my bags: nothing. I'm pretty sure it was stolen on a "routine luggage check" (i.e. Smash'n'Grab) on my way back from Rome. We were on so many flights, it's impossible to know when it disappeared. I really loved that bracelet, and it was irreplaceable. I've learned my lesson.

My father brought some clothes from the Nike store, and my mother's outfit vanished somewhere between the Las Vegas airport and MSP. Now I wonder who could have taken it? /sarcasm

Kids, don't put anything you really love in your checked baggage. Even if you bury it, they might dig it out and pocket it. (I took the tags off of some new clothes on the way back to NY because I didn't want anyone deciding to take them home.)

Leak Fixed (I Think)

I wrote a triumphant email to my family at midnight, exclaiming, "I found the leak and covered it up!" It felt good to check one of the "storm feeder" items off the list. I pumped the bed all the way up and climbed in.

This morning, the bed had shrunk a little. Poop. My suspicion is that the duct tape had worked its way into lifting off the mattress a little, and when it did, the air saw its chance to escape, and of course, once that happened, the tape really loosened up because the surface area was shrinking.

So.

I put more tape on it.

I filled the mattress again and listened and felt for more leaks. Didn't hear or feel anything. So I think it is just that one spot. Hopefully the layering of duct tape will keep things normal for a little while.

Any ideas of a sticky sealant I can use that'll hold on a flexible surface? Hmm...maybe moleskin tape.

Oh, and the majority of the "storm feeders" have dissipated. We have heat again; too much, praise God. They changed the lock on the security door completely. And the bed is mostly fixed. The only one left is the job thing, and I think that might possibly be solved this week. Here's hoping!

Home

Happy day after Christmas!

I've missed my parents' house. I love the flash of bright red of a scarlet cardinal against the backdrop of dark green conifers and white snow. I love the big squishy chairs and couches that invite curling up. I love the familiarity of family, of being able to do nothing together and being okay with that. I love the absence of dread that a verminous insect is going to pop out somewhere unexpected or crawl on me while I'm sleeping. (I'm sure there are spiders here, in fact I know there are, but spiders don't bother me in the least.) This house is awesome.

I'm so thankful that my parents have worked so hard to create their home. It sets a high standard, but also an excellent example to follow. This is the kind of home I want to create for myself, one where visitors enter and don't want to leave because they feel completely at home.

Stolen

Stolen
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

They're never giving these puppies back.

Waiting for the building maintenance man to come so that he can light the oven's pilot light. It's been out for a few months, and I didn't think anything of it. My father took a different tack. He mentioned the "constant trickle of gas" and "places blowing up", and that got me moving. These are things I knew, but didn't think too deeply about until I realized that I'll soon be closing my windows. A + B = C. So I talked to the management office yesterday. Hopefully this dude actually comes. They don't have the best record when it comes to that stuff.

Audition this evening for a one-act. It'd be nice to get it. I'm not being facetious to hide my excitement or anything. It takes a lot of energy to exist here, and it takes a lot of energy to get excited about things, especially things that 90% of the time do not go the way you'd like them to go, so I'm choosing my battles. It'd be nice, but I'm not counting on anything.

I stumbled on The Simple Woman's blog and magazine and I think I'm in love. Despite my dry humor, I'm a romantic. A cynical romantic, if you will, if I may. I used my fountain pen and leather journal to complete a "Daybook" entry, and I could feel all the churny bits inside settling into a nice, lazy pattern of movement. I smiled and danced to my iTunes playlist. I used my fountain pen for the first time in months! When I leave this city, I'm finding myself a farmhouse.

Biceps are sore from catering last night. The event was at one of the catering co's exclusive spots: Jazz at Lincoln Center. Sanit, the area where we drop dirty things, was on the 6th floor. The place where the people got rid of their dirty things was on the 5th floor. We aren't allowed to use the elevators. Stairs ahoy! My butt hurts.

New Friend

New Friend
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

So happy to have some greenery in my house. Is it not nifty?

Eleven letters and headshots and one postcard with my face on it went in the mail on Tuesday! W00t. This is going to be an expensive venture, though. Each envelope comes in at a dollar for postage. Ugh. Maybe I should sell some clothes.

Completely unrelated information: I really want to wear lounge pants and a t-shirt to work today.

It's hot and muggy. Big surprise.

Best Friend

Best Friend
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

I was supposed to go the the Brooklyn Museum today. I woke up at 10:30. :( I think the air mattress' time has come. And by that I mean it's time I acted like a grown up and got a real bed.

But here's the plan: I want to loft my bed. So I'm kinda waiting until the Ikea opens here and then I want to buy this frame. The plan is to put my desk under it, and when guests come and stay, they can have a semi-private space (I'm going to hang fabric from it).

But before all of that, the walls need paint. And I'm clueless about painting. Do I need to prime the walls? Do I have to take off the cracked paint in the bathroom? Is it possible to strip the crappy varnish and layers of paint off the doors, condition and sand them, and then re-varnish them? Should I even be putting this much work into a place I'm only RENTING?

Oy. I need some more coffee.

Scent Warrior

Scent Warrior
Originally uploaded by AdiaMichelle

New candles and holders from Target. Even though the Target near me is, how shall I say it, a little less organized and well-stocked than the Target near my old home, I still like shopping there.

Work today, as usual.

It might rain.